


where did you go (i should know)

by far2late



Series: ilomilo [5]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Comfort, Derealization, Family Feels, Fluff, Foster Care, Gen, Good Older Sibling Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Stress Relief, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28908330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/far2late/pseuds/far2late
Summary: "The constant spiralling that came with believing nothing around him was real was one that terrified Ranboo, especially when it came to being physically affected by his delusions. His arms would feel like static and tears would drip down his face as he rubbed at his eye endlessly, looking for any reparations that would convince him that he wasn’t sitting in a home by himself in the middle of a wasteland.He felt stupid for believing it made him want to die, sometimes. It was easier to believe that there was nothing to work towards than to try and convince himself that he was real, his phone screen wasn’t static, his friends weren’t made up, he wasn’t sitting in an empty house that had been torn to pieces a long, long time ago. Ranboo hated it, hated the way his brain would melt and leak through his fingers when he tried to grab it and fix himself up without bothering anyone."orranboo has a bad day. phil and techno do their best to help
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: ilomilo [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095689
Comments: 26
Kudos: 1136
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	where did you go (i should know)

**Author's Note:**

> tw / derealization
> 
> twt is far2early :) drop a follow and be sure to check tags for triggers

When Ranboo woke up that day, he could tell it would be one of the types that would leave him worse off than when he began, which was saying something considering he didn’t have the best time due to nightmares, anyway. 

His limbs felt like jello in bed, simultaneously feeling like he had been weighed down by the buzz of his emotions making his way through his limbs slowly. Ranboo’s eyes were practically glued shut and he could barely force them open. It felt like his pupils were burning every time he so much as blinked, even if it was unconsciously. 

These days came about every couple of weeks, and they were almost always random when they did come. It wasn’t related to anything that he had experienced in the past, surprisingly enough, considering the fact that he had so many problems that it was considered a miracle if he landed in a foster home for more than a couple of months at a time. The experience that came with being bounced around the system was something he had hated, leaving him with nightmares, but these days were certainly worse. 

It was simple enough to explain on paper, but the spiralling mindset always made to complicate the issue that resided at hand. 

The constant spiralling that came with believing nothing around him was real was one that terrified Ranboo, especially when it came to being physically affected by his delusions. His arms would feel like static and tears would drip down his face as he rubbed at his eye endlessly, looking for any reparations that would convince him that he wasn’t sitting in a home by himself in the middle of a wasteland. 

He felt stupid for believing it made him want to die, sometimes. It was easier to believe that there was nothing to work towards than to try and convince himself that he was real, his phone screen wasn’t static, his friends weren’t made up, he wasn’t sitting in an empty house that had been torn to pieces a long, long time ago. Ranboo hated it, hated the way his brain would melt and leak through his fingers when he tried to grab it and fix himself up without bothering anyone. 

  
It was something he hadn’t ever shared with anyone, not since he had been forced into foster care. There was a point in time where Dream was his most trusted friend, back when the man had first fostered him so long ago. He must’ve been at least twelve at the most, one of the first proper foster homes he had managed to stay at. 

Ranboo had been excited, of course. He had never had the experience of settling into an empty room and making it his own, managing to consider the place a home and be excited to stay there the rest of his life. Dream had been great to him and managed to gain his tentative trust over the span of a month. 

But, things had gone downhill incredibly fast, and now he had been forced to deal with the fact that the man had taken advantage of his delusions when he thought he could trust him and had to unlearn trust to make sure he wouldn’t get played like a fool again. Dream had fucked him up beyond the point of looking for help should he ever need it. 

Which sucked, because Ranboo did want to trust Phil and Techno. He just wasn’t sure they existed at the moment. 

  
Someone knocked on Ranboo’s door, the teen flinching as he burrowed under his blankets and ignored it. 

_ (It’s not real anyway, he just hallucinated the knock. No one was there, no one was ever there. There’s no Phil or Techno, it’s just always been him, all alone by himself.)  _

The door creaked open a moment later, and footsteps followed as Ranboo buried his face in his pillow, biting down on his hand in an attempt to feel something and convince himself that he was there, this wasn’t a void of nothing that he had built out of his imagination. It was hard to focus with his vision spinning and blurring with tears, but he did his best to deal.

“Ranboo?” Came Techno’s voice-  _ (It’s static, it’s just static none of it is real it’s just a buzz of static you gave a voice because you were lonely and sad-)  _ and a hand came to rest on his shoulder, feeling like a hot stab in the skin rather than the soft tap it was supposed to be. He couldn’t hold back a small whimper, biting down harder on the skin under his blanket. 

“Oh. I, um. Should- Should I get Phil?” Techno’s voice was unsure, losing the confidence he had before the teen choked on a sob and gasped for breath at the mention of the older man. Techno said something else that Ranboo didn’t register before his presence left his side, leaving Ranboo spiralling. 

  
He gasped for breath as he spun into a panic, squeezing his eyes shut as he did his best to pretend he wasn’t where he was. Ranboo’s mind was slowing and speeding up at the same time before his limbs felt like they were going to fall off the minute he shifted just a little bit too far from his center of gravity. 

The tears that he wiped with his hoodie sleeve stung as the fabric rubbed his cheek raw, leaving the paler bits red and the more tanned parts stinging. The vitiligo wasn’t the problem as much as it was how he felt even less alive every time he stared at himself in the mirror for too long. 

Was he even real? He could’ve been dead right now. He could have died all those years ago with his parents and never realized that he was in purgatory. It was hellish. Hellish and stupid and dumb and  _ god  _ he wanted to go to sleep and never wake up if it meant that he would be left alone in whatever abandoned planet he inhabited. 

His hands flickered as he opened his eyes the slightest, choking out another sob as he jerked violently at the sight. Oh god, it was happening, all of the illusions were melting away as the world unravelled from behind his eyelids and turned into the static of white, black, and gray it had always been. Ranboo had always been alone and he would stay that way and there was no chance he would ever make it through the night now that he knew the truth. 

Ranboo hadn’t even registered the fact that Phil had come upstairs, the man sitting on the edge of the bed after pulling the blankets down from his shoulders for a moment, Ranboo curling up to his side instinctively even though he was still keeled over with a hand in his mouth. 

“-kay? Is touching okay, Ranboo?” Phil’s voice cut in after his ears stopped ringing, the teen nodding rapidly. He needed confirmation, he needed to know there was a point to everything and that he had a physical body that would impact his surroundings if it were to disappear. 

  
The hand that landed on his shoulder and pulled him up to sit up felt white-hot on his skin felt like he had been dying but it had nearly been enough for him to acknowledge that there was something there, he wasn’t just imagining it. The cry that ripped out of him was relieved as a hand cradled his wrist and pressed it against a firm chest.  _ (It could still be fake, you could be making it up, it’s not real, you’re lying to yourself, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar-)  _

Ranboo’s hands tightened around the shirt on top, leaning forward to rest his forehead on the shoulder in front of him in an attempt to ground himself. The words he heard felt like they were trying to get through to him from underwater like he was so far away from Earth that it was impossible to reach him.  _ (Maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe he was sitting alone on a ratty mattress in a dark room with static playing on his phone screen and in his ears with a giant lamp acting as the sun and he’d die alone, starving and dehydrated-)  _

“Just follow my breathing, yeah?” Came Phil’s comforting voice, bursting through his terrifying bubble. Ranboo shook his head, gasping for shuddering breath after shuddering breath. 

“I ca- I can’t, I can’t, I-” He grasped at the shirt he wore, tightening his fingers into the fabric as he grit his teeth in an attempt to stop the whimper that had made its way past his lips anyway. A different hand worked through his hair hesitantly, rubbing his back as Ranboo felt someone sit down behind him. 

“I’s not even- even  _ real, _ ” His voice cracked embarrassingly at the last word, more tears making their way down his chest as he squeezed whatever limb was closest to him, ending up with his wrist in his hand as he dug his stubbed nails into the skin, biting at the hand as hard as he could in an attempt to draw blood and keep himself muffled. Phil tried to pull the limb away from the teen gently, his grip loosening the slightest and the man pulling it away. 

“I’m real, okay? Me and Techno, we’re both real. We’re both speaking to you and touching you. You can feel Techno’s hands in your hair, yeah?” Phil’s voice was low and comforting as he spoke, making Ranboo shake where he sat, shoulders quivering as he focused on the man’s voice. Techno rubbed circles into his back as Ranboo hiccuped, head hung low. 

“What if- If I made you up in my mind?” He asked, voice weak and trembling. 

  
“Why would you make us up?” Phil prompted softly, not wanting to push him too far. Ranboo’s face screwed up again as he answered, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“‘Cause I- I don’t, I… No one should love me the way you say you do. Too good for me, I’m bad for everyone. Dr-Dream said so, I can’t… No, no no no,” Ranboo shook his head, burying his head in his arms as the teen refused to look up. 

“You wouldn’t be able to make up someone like me,” Techno piped up from behind him, drawing a startled noise out of Ranboo. He had forgotten the teen was there at all, peeking through his arms to see that he had moved to the side of the bed so he would be in Ranboo’s field of vision. 

“But what if I  _ did _ ?” Ranboo insisted, blinking away tears. Techno looked up at Phil for a moment before standing up straight, getting to his feet. Ranboo’s eyes followed him for a moment, confused before he had been engulfed in warmth and comfort and his head was being cradled by one large hand. His head was pressed gently to Techno’s shoulder and the pink hair the teen usually tied back spilled onto his shoulders and draped around his head protectively. It was almost as though a curtain to the world had fallen in front of him, giving him time to process… everything. 

“You wouldn’t be able to make up me giving you a hug,” Techno mumbled into one of his ears, the teen pulling himself impossibly closer to the other in an attempt to ground himself further. Techno didn’t protest, crouching down so the two of them would be more comfortable in their position. 

“It’s okay, Ranboo. You’re real, you’re here, I’m here, Phil’s here. Everything’s fine, we’ll be fine.” Techno reassured, his voice softer than the grumbled teasing tone it had just a moment earlier. Ranboo nodded, fisting his shirt between his hands. 

“Thank you,” He whispered back, focusing on the warmth in his chest that had spread the moment Techno had engulfed him in his arms. It was real, he reminded himself. He was real. 

Everything would be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> kind of vent fic? just craving comfort lol 
> 
> i might update the techno fic tonight, depends on if therell be a stream that i can rely on to fuel me in my writing endeavours.
> 
> ++ if any of you are reading this and you like to write then please please please PLEASE check out the latest chapter in my prompts book :) i am so happy with the idea i came up with but i am juggling so many projects, plus another couple ideas i wish i had time to write. seriously dont know how other people do it
> 
> thank u again for reading, i appreciate it! feel free to leave a comment if youd like :)


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